Prolonged Silence

You should make amends with you if only for better health. ~Incubus

I found this quote awhile ago. I didn’t realize how long ago it had really been until I looked up the discography – 14 years. Crap, I’m old. When Incubus released Make Yourself in 1999 I was gearing up to graduate high school. It wasn’t until I was freshman in college a year later than I heard the album cover to cover, A great friend and inspirational person in my life introduced to me to what is now one of my favorite bands. It didn’t take many listens for me to want my own copy or much longer for this song in particular to resonate with me. Many years before this I struggled with self-perception and self-worth and when I let myself get ‘lost’ it is still a struggle and a story for another post. Yet, through the past 14 years and quite a few before that the advice/mantra that has stuck with me was to just be yourself. Sometimes, to do that you have make amends.

And that folks is where I find myself today, making amends with the current situation. I had to take the last 4 weeks off due to the surgery that was necessary to remove my birthmark. Most of those 4 weeks have been pretty damn low. It started with the doctor telling me the initial 2 weeks off would have to be lengthened to 6 – that wasn’t exactly in my training plan or what they told me when I made the appointment. Things just continued to move downward as time passed and I learned I wasn’t as mobile or flexible or ready for activity as I thought I should be. As I reflect and realize I need to make amends and adjust expectations, I am looking toward my fitness.

While training for the Olympic Distance at TriRock was supposed to be my next step, at this point I am simply looking to get moving again. I’ve started writing down the small triumphs, like 2 sets of 14 heel raises before I start feeling soreness around the incision point. Or walking the pup for 1 mile instead of a 1/2 before feeling swelling in my ankle. In truth, I’m really down about being at this place – I thought I had left it behind when I was ‘done’ with physical therapy in December. But when you fall, you have to get back up again.

Will I still attempt the Olympic at TriRock? Maybe. I’ve decided not to think about it. When I can start walking more than a mile without swelling or playing Frisbee with the pup without needing a bag of frozen peas afterward, well then I’ll go for a run. And we’ll go with a training plan and goals from there. In the meantime, I will focus on the little things and remind myself to find joy in slowing down. I forgot how beautiful the sunsets could be and how much more I can enjoy them while walking the pup vs running through it to get that last mile in.

sunset

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