Today you are you! That is Truer than True! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! ~ Dr. Seuss
This past weekend I began my 33rd Revolution Around the Sun. It was celebrated just the way I like it, with immediate family, the Epcot Food and Wine Festival, and Pancakes for breakfast. The Huzz did an amazing job on my present, my mom forgave me for cancelling her birthday celebration (long story, don’t ask), and my dad…well we drank wine and coffee and laughed uncontrollably.
As I sat down to catch up this Monday, still recovering from the weekend, I came across the latest Hannah Brencher post and I realized I was guilty. Sooooo, guilty. Not of breaking the Chemex, thankfully. Dad would murder me in my sleep (I kid folks!) But of not putting it all out there. I realized the last time I had posted was my last long workout – three weeks ago.
What you haven’t seen lying under the surface and at the edges was my health. A few weeks ago, I felt off. Given the nasty germs roaming around the office, I assumed I was coming down with a cold. Two weeks later “off” was still hanging around and I was sleeping like a newborn (i.e. constantly) I fought the bad thoughts for a few days but I just knew something wasn’t right. I would come home from work and collapse on the couch, wake up, walk to the bedroom, and sleep again. Only to wake up and feel like I could continue to sleep for hours.
I pulled the trigger and called the Doc for an appointment where I begged for a blood test. Clinic squeezed me in and two days later – “significant” Iron Deficiency. What does that even mean in medical terms, significant??! I took bio, o-chem, A&P, worked in more than one doc’s office, and I don’t ever remember that being in the Merck’s Manual!
I digress…Apparently an Iron Deficiency is different than being anemic and common in athletes – especially women. I’m not going to pretend that I understand all the moving pieces. What I do know is that my body is running on empty. They tell me my red blood cells are too small, there isn’t enough oxygen in my blood, and my heart is working overtime to keep up.
So my dreams of 70.3 have been put on hold. I am only allowed to work out when I have the energy – which I definately do not right now. And I’m learning to pick myself up and dust myself off. This part, isn’t pretty. I look healthy on the outside and even those closest to me forget. It has become comical actually, “why aren’t you….oh, right.” Cue downward gaze. But you know what? Sometime life isn’t pretty. Sometimes getting to the start line takes more than one try. Sometimes you have to fall down to get back up again. And sometimes we need to cut the crap and stop pretending.
So here is me, not pretending. My birthday was damn awesome considering where my health is. I am paying for it – with an early bed time and beet & spinach smoothies. But I’m not sure that I would trade it. That girl that had her war paint on in the last post? She’s still here. And she will rise from the ashes just like the phoenix that inspires her to take on another start line on another day. In the meantime, here’s to keeping it real…
Here you can be anything. I think that scares you.” ~ Jimmy Eat World